Cindy Crawford, you guilt-mongering bitch!

Over the last couple of months I've fallen into the habit of snuggling with Susan in my bed until she goes to sleep and I move her to her crib. Sometimes I just nap with her, since our night sleep is frequently interrupted and I can use the rest. But as much as I enjoy the snuggle time, she's been taking longer and longer to fall asleep, and it's impossible for anyone but me to get her down without hours of hysterical tears. So we've decided it's time to sleep-train her. In other words, we'll put her in her crib to sleep every time, and let her cry it out until she learns to go to sleep on her own.

So, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, who is known as the go-to guy for getting babies to sleep. It has a foreward by no less an authority than supermodel Cindy Crawford. On the whole, Weissbluth has useful, important information about the sleep needs of infants and toddlers and how to help them get what they need. His delivery though, well, you be the judge. In the introduction, this is in bold print:

WARNING!

If your child does not learn to sleep well, he may become an incurable adult insomniac, chronically disabled from sleepiness and dependent on sleeping pills.


Aaaaah! My baby's going to be a drug addict because I let her nap in my bed!

This is why mothers are so stressed out. It's not enough to just feed and love our children, and provide them with a safe environment. Along with Weissbluth's book at Barnes and Noble are titles including, I kid you not, Teach your Baby to Read and How to Have a Smarter Baby. One of the babies at Susan's play group wears a bib emblazoned with the words "Future CEO" to collect his drool while he fingerpaints.

In a way, it make my life easier that Susan has some medical issues because we're officially out of the race in the Mommy/Baby competition. Other mothers feel like they have to teach their infant 50 words in sign language and all their colors and shapes by their first birthday. I'd just like Susan to learn to walk and eat in time to start nursery school when she's three. That frees me up to enjoy her company without all the mind-fuckery.